


Snow

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Implied Relationships, Jade stuffs grandpa but it isn't very detailed, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, just felt i should warn you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-15
Updated: 2012-08-15
Packaged: 2017-11-12 05:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/487276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’ll scold you for thinking that your actions were the deciding factor, but perhaps the timeline was doomed from that first pale overture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zesp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zesp/gifts).



  


Snow:

She’ll scold you for thinking that your actions were the deciding factor, but perhaps the timeline was doomed from that first pale overture.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 13:51—

CA: youre the human called jade arent you

GG: why do so many of you guys keep calling me human like its something weird? :|

You glare at the strange human child on your screen, all dark skin and tangled black hair, looking a huge mess with soil and fertilizer sticking to her hands and clothes, and getting between her keys as she types slowly back at you. This? This is one of the humans that has ruined your . . . expectations of a new universe?

Feferi likes her—thinks she’s interesting—Karkat can’t stand her; apparently she fucks up her game something awful. You thought you’d get a look at the little troublemaker—out of curiosity and not a little bit of jealousy—and what you’ve found is seriously underwhelming.

She’s a witch, like Feferi—only not at all like Feferi! She has no noble air, no regal grace—she is like an oinkbeast, clumsy and dirty in her strange indoor garden. You can’t see what Fef likes about her so much, or why Karkat is so screamingly pissed at her—you can’t see why anyone would waste the time to feel anything about such an inconsequential mouth-breathing child.

You _suppose_ that _maybe_ one isolated moment of her life is not enough evidence to make a judgment on, so you skip forward a bit.

The Jade human’s mouth is opened wide in what looks to be a cry of terror. It is difficult to be sure, and you wonder dazedly for a moment when a new Trollian update will come out that enables sound as well as visuals. Then you remember that whoever made Trollian is dead, dead, dead, and you will have to make do with this version or ask Sollux to modify the programming—and you aren’t going to do _that._

You focus again on your monitor and try to surmise what the little hell beast is screaming about. A table has been set up for a meal of some sort. At one end sits a strange, unblinking blue-haired creature, and at the other sits—or rather slumps—the bleeding (well, you assume it’s blood) torso of what appears to be another human, but one larger and, you guess, older than the Jade human.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 11:32—

CA: wwhy are you screechin like a

CA: i dont evven knoww wwhat to compare wwhatevver ungodly sound youre makin to

CA: seein as i cant hear it

CA: wwhy are you throwin such a huge fuckin fit

CA: god youre annoyin as fuck

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG} at 11:41—

You skip forward again, wondering if the other humans are more interesting than this one, and then catch sight of her kneeling beside the corpse from before, somehow having moved it to a table in a sterile-looking room. On one side of her is a box with a hinged lid—a kit of some sort?—and on the other is a strange white barkbeast whom you recognize after a moment as being a—what did Karkat call them?

Oh, right. A First Guardian.

You wonder why such an omnipotent being is wasting its time with this boring creature, but only until the girl herself distracts you by drawing a large knife-like object from her kit and stabbing it deep within the flesh of the corpse.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:22—

CA: wwhat in the evverlovvin fuck are you doin

She ignores your message as she drags the knife through the corpse, slicing its chest right open. The display of gore doesn’t bother you much—as if a little blood and innards could faze you—but you find yourself a bit curious about the fluid leaking from her eyes. It is translucent, like tears, but completely colorless. You wonder if her blood is clear like that too—that is, until she accidentally cuts her hand on the knife.

She makes a face like she is crying out, dropping the knife and clutching the injured hand close to her chest. Red leaks from between her fingers, matching the color leaking from the open corpse. The First Guardian disappears momentarily, reappearing with a roll of bandages in its mouth, which the Jade human accepts, extending her uninjured hand to take the roll, and then pat the First Guardian on the head.

So, she is familiar with the First Guardian. Familiar enough to be permitted to touch it.

You find yourself curious again and force it down.

Looking again at the girl on your screen, you see her reach into her kit for what looks like a scalpel, and you wonder why she didn’t simply use it from the beginning—for whatever purpose she is using it at all.

With a few admirably precise slices—considering her shaking hands and teary eyes—her goal becomes clear to you. Having disconnected the tissue that had attached the organ, she reaches into the body to remove a long line of pinkish intestine. You wondered momentarily if she is cleaning the corpse for cooking, but then decide if that were the case she wouldn’t be weeping.

You watch as a growing pile of organs develope beside her and her garments become ruined with blood. Blood coats her arms to the shoulders, gets in her long hair, and smears her face from the time she had attempted to wipe some sweat from her forehead without thinking, and then ceased her task to cry for a few minutes.

Just when you are thinking that corpse could not possibly hold any more organs than the human has removed, she hops down from her stool and scurries to a closet of some sort. She quickly returns to the table with a large container of . . . actually, you aren’t sure _what_ that is.

Whatever it is, she is stuffing it into the empty cavity left behind by the dripping mass of organs at her side.

This continues for a few more minutes, the Jade human not ceasing to clean herself, or rest, or eat the food that the First Guardian brings to her.

You watch intently as she pauses in her work to retrieve a new tool from her kit—a needle and some sort of shiny black thread—and begins to sew shut the chest cavity, and the other openings she had made in her task.

Even with this completed, it seems her task is not yet done, and she reaches as high up as she can to grasp what looks like a shower head connected to a long grey hose. She sets to work cleaning the now-stuffed corpse, carefully and slowly. The water washes away some of the blood on her person as well, but her clothes are surely ruined.

After the last of the water has drained away the Jade human reaches to pat down the corpse’s hair, weeping again. God but she cries a lot.

You watch her dress the corpse and get the First Guardian’s assistance in propping it up in front of a strange fire bearing alcove, before deciding you’ve watched in silence long enough.

CA: wwitch

She stares at her computer, tears still leaking from her big green eyes, considering whether or not to answer you. In the end, you suppose curiosity won out.

GG: what do you want?

 

GG: i dont want to talk to you guys right now

CA: wwell tough shit you answered didnt you

GG: will you please leave me alone

CA: wwho is that

GG: what?

CA: that stiff you wwere stuffin

GG: he is not a stiff! he is my grandpa!

CA: wwhats a grandpa

GG: how do you not know what a grandpa is?

CA: wwe dont havve none a those on alternia

CA: wwas he your lusus?

She begins to type something back, and then seems to think better of it, pausing for a few moments before answering.

GG: one of you guys said lusus before

GG: it is . . . . . like a parent?

CA: hell if i know

CA: wwhats a parent anywway

GG: that is kind of sad

You aren’t really sure what is so sad about not knowing what a parent is, but she doesn’t give you much time to think about it.

GG: i guess he was like a lusus?

GG: he raised me since i was a baby

CA: wwhats a

CA: nevver mind

CA: wwhy wwere you stuffin him

GG: it is a family tradition

GG: i dont like it

CA: wwell thats obvvious

CA: nevver seen anyone older than a wwriggler cry that fuckin much

GG: you shut up!!!!

GG: you dont understand what its like! you dont even have parents

CA: dont jump to conclusions wwitch

CA: i had a lusus too

CA: maybe i didnt stuff him fulla wwhatevver that stuff is wwhen he died but he still did

The witch stops whatever she was typing and kind of draws in on herself, staring at her screen with an unreadable expression. You decide it might not be a good idea to tell her how many young trolls you’ve orphaned by killing _their_ lusii.

GG: i am sorry

CA: wwhatevver

GG: can you please just go away

GG: i want to be by myself

GG: . . . . . . . . . .

GG: but i guess i am huh?

GG: im by myself

You watch her draw further inward, clutching her bloody knees to her equally bloody chest as translucent tears begin to drip from her eyes again. She looks like she might just keel over and lie there until she dies. As she lies down on the floor and begins to cry herself into slumber—or is that Vriska messing with her?—you wonder what it is that will break her out of this grief to make her the game breaking nuisance Karkat says she is.

You aren’t sure yet how to tell human time, but the First Guardian brings her food eight times before you realize the witch is just curling up, giving up, and dying.

What a fucking pain.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 07:16—

CA: jade human

CA: get up

CA: wwake up you wweepy wwretch

CA: youre not supposed to die here

For a moment you wonder if her dying would be preferable—after all, if she dies so long before she ever has a chance to join her session, then there would be no way for her to fuck up as astronomically as Karkat swore she would. Had.

Still, you keep messaging her.

CA: i said wwake up

CA: dont fuckin ignore me wwhen im tryin to help you

You look up from your keyboard to see her slowly crawl to her laptop, eyes puffy and swollen and skin crusted with days old blood, and realize she hasn’t been asleep for some time.

GG: what do you want

CA: i wwant you to stop bein a useless piece a shit all day and answwer my messages

GG: i am answering

CA: yeah wwell

CA: shut up

CA: only dont cause you still gotta answwer me

GG: i dont have time for this

CA: the hell you dont ivve wwatched you lie on the floor doin nothin for like

CA: hell i dont evven knoww howw many earth days its been

CA: i kinda fast forwwarded wwhen i saww you wwerent gonna movve

CA: you need to stop feelin sorry for yourself and get the fuck up

GG: what do you care

GG: and why should i

GG: grandpas gone

CA: wwhat about the First Guardian

CA: he keeps bringin you food

CA: he wwants you to stay alivve

CA: dont you givve a shit about him

GG: bec

The Jade human stares at the food beside her as if seeing it for the first time. Hell, she probably is seeing it for the first time. She tentatively reaches out for an apple, holding it with both shaking hands and gawking at it like it has some sort of strange mutation. Maybe it does. You wouldn’t know.

She takes a slow, small bite of it, chewing it for a few seconds before making an ugly gagging face and coughing it up. You roll your eyes.

CA: you havvent eaten for days

CA: probably

CA: you cant just jump right back into solid food like that

The witch stares at the screen for a few moments before setting the apple back down and curling in on herself again.

CA: oh no you fuckin dont

CA: youvve got shit to fuck up you aint gonna givve up and die here

CA: first off go get yourself cleaned up

CA: you big fuckin mess

CA: didnt take you for the type wwho wwants to die covvered in someone elses blood

CA: and dont evven think about tryin to drowwn yourself or somethin else stupid like that

GG: how would you know if i did

GG: you are not going to watch me take a bath

CA: dont flatter yourself human

CA: you are entirely unattractivve to me

CA: ugly evven

CA: and beneath me too

She makes no move to leave her chosen curl-up-and-die spot. You grumble to yourself.

CA: i swwear i wwont look at your stupid ugly human nakedness wwhile you clean yourself off

GG: you promise

CA: yeah i fuckin promise

CA: noww i command you to get yourself cleaned up

CA: fuckin mess

She glares at her screen, which you guess is a good sign? Hell if you know. As she struggles to her feet you curse yourself for wasting your time with this pathetic human wriggler. 

Oh well. Not like you have anything better to do.

You are waiting to die as much as she is.

You keep your promise to not watch her clean herself, though, again, you don’t really see the point. She is a human, and a wriggler at that—what is there to be attracted to?

It is only when you hear the ping! of an incoming message that you look at your screen again. There is the Jade human, in fresh clothes and with still drying, but no longer blood soaked hair. She has even taken care to find a new place to sit that isn’t drenched in old blood.

GG: i didnt kill myself

GG: are you happy now

CA: no

CA: go eat somethin

GG: ugh why do you even care

You think about that for a moment. Really, what you are doing is incredibly stupid. By continually pushing her to not only not fucking die but also snap out of her depression, you are ensuring that she will grow up to be the huge fuck up Karkat said she was—and you are beginning to see how she could be such an enormous thoughtless klutz as to wreck both sessions, too.

Seeing her lying in that puddle of blood waiting to die had pulled at something in you. You wanted to yell at her until she got the fuck up and back to the world of the living. You wanted to scrub the blood off of her face and chide her for being such a useless piece of shit. You felt like if you couldn’t somehow scold her back to health, you would be failing something, somehow.

It is another message that brings the truth crashing down on you, hard.

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at ??:??—

AG: You knoooooooow I can see her chat client right?

AG: And you know you’re looking really pale for a human, don’t you?

AG: I knew you were desperate, 8ut woooooooow.

AG: Didn’t realize your standards were THAT low.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] at ??:??—

GG: ca

GG: are you still there

\--gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering caligulasAquarium [CA] at 08:34—

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 08:35--

CA: no you dont get back here

GG: ugh

GG: what now

CA: find some food you can actually fuckin swallow you useless red blooded peasant

You aren’t stupid. Vriska was probably right; as much as you hate to admit it, you are beginning to harbor a pale crush on the human witch. It downright disgusts you, but you still feel almost compelled to watch over her and get her back on the path to wrecking everything, as counter-intuitive as that is to Karkat’s command that you all try to _stop them_ from playing the game. Again, what better way to prevent her playing than to let her die?

You wouldn’t even have to kill her yourself.

GG: will this work

She is holding a jar of something you didn’t recognize, and a bottle of an equally mysterious substance. Still, they look pretty liquid.

CA: sure

Her eyes drift skyward and you set to scold her for disrespecting royalty, but decide it could wait until she isn’t dying of hunger, among other things. This reminds you-

CA: wwait

GG: ugh what

CA: get some wwater

CA: youre dehydrated

GG: FINE

Capital letters. That is probably a good sign or something.

You watch as she takes a first, slow sip of water. She coughs as it goes down, but takes two more sips. Then she pops open the jar and spoons the red contents into her mouth. Again, she struggles to swallow, and it looks for a moment like she might not keep it down, but she manages.

She is beginning to take on a new vigor already. The hunger and thirst that had been numbed by her grief are now driving her to eat and drink faster, and more. You have to scold her a few times to slow the fuck down before she chokes to death or drowns in her glass of water.

CA: you still hungry

GG: yes

CA: wwell wwait youre gonna throww it all back up again if you try an eat too much

GG: but im starving!

Punctuation. You haven’t seen that in a while.

CA: yeah wwell you shoulda thought about that before you starvved yourself huh

CA: anywway youll be evven hungrier if you bloww your chunks so be fuckin patient

She glares at the general direction of her chat screen, and you feel a laugh bubbling up out of your throat, but keep it down.

You guess she probably hasn’t been sleeping the whole time she’s been waiting for death to come calling, and order her to get some rest. She refuses, saying she is going to wait a while and then eat again, and you unblock Vriska.

Jade is out like a light and your blood-pusher is pumping double time with pale emotion.

Fuck.

You continue coaching her back to health until she is feeling well enough to contact her friends, then you shut down your husktop and go for a walk.

Or, you planned to. You are rather distracted by the two trolls laughing and talking in the horn pile.

Your blood boils with jealousy. No matter what you had done during the game, you had never been able to get Feferi alone to talk to her in private about . . . she and you. Always, _always_ she was with that yellow blooded prick. They are fucking inseparable and, you know, smack dab in the flushed quadrant.

For a moment you turn back to your husktop, wishing you could at least claim to feel a deeper red for Jade than you do, as shameful as it would be—at least then you wouldn’t be feeling so fucking left behind.

No. All you feel for her was pale and you don’t even want to feel _that._

Maybe you need pale right now, though.

You turn your husktop back on and decide to skip around a bit until you find a Jade that might be willing to listen to you and . . . maybe comfort you a little.

It takes a while. Earlier Jades are thankful to you for saving their lives and you are more than willing to bask in their grateful words, but they are usually too busy with something or another to hold any sort of long conversation with you. Later Jades are far too occupied with trying to stay alive to have feelings jams. Finally you settle on a Jade who has only just entered the session—but she seems to be talking to someone else.

You zoom in a bit to see grey, capitalized text. Curious, you try to glean what they are talking about. It seems Jade has gotten caught between past and future Karkat and is trying (in vain) to get them to talk seriously and stop screaming at each other. You know all too well that isn’t going to happen. You’d stopped bothering with the memos a long time ago.

After reading for a bit it occurs to you that this conversation is taking on an ashen tone. Then you wonder if that is even possible, seeing as she is only dealing with one person at different times. With that in mind the conversation, messy and angry as it is on both ends, begins to look rather pale.

Jealousy bubbles up in you again. It’s bad enough your first moirail—as much as you hadn’t really considered her as such—dumped you, now Karkat is moving in on your first real pale crush? He doesn’t _know_ you are pale for Jade, but that doesn’t really keep you from glaring at the back of his head as he types (though there is a good chance he isn’t even talking to Jade at the moment).

Doesn’t he have some sort of pale thing going on with Gamzee, anyway? Even if Gamzee benefits more from that relationship than Karkat does, it doesn’t give Karkat the right to have _two_ moirails, especially not if one of them is Jade.

You finally skip ahead to a Jade who isn’t talking to Karkat—something that you notice becoming increasingly rarer the closer to the scratch you get. Your jealousy over this almost distracts you from the reason you were contacting her in the first place, but not quite.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 16:22—

CA: jade

GG: ca!

GG: it has been a long time since you have contacted me

GG: i was beginning to think i wouldnt hear from you again

CA: yeah wwell youvve been awwfully busy talkin to kar so i didnt wanna fuckin interrupt

Of course you wanted to interrupt.

GG: kar? you mean karkat?

He’s told her his name? You haven’t even done that yet—but you don’t know how to bring it up without seeming desperate for her acknowledgement . . . which you kind of are.

GG: you know i dont think you ever told me your name

God bless Jade Harley.

CA: its eridan

GG: eridan? thats different

GG: but i guess it is not any weirder than karkat

You frown, trying to think of a way to turn this conversation as far away from Karkat as you can before your envy explodes, as well as a way to seek consolation without being too obvious about it.

CA: wwhere do you get off callin my name wweird wwith a name like jade

GG: what is wrong with jade? :(

Frowny faces aren’t good are they?

CA: wwhatevver

CA: jade is a perfectly fine human name i guess

GG: are you feeling alright eridan?

GG: you seem kind of upset! :(

You barely stop yourself from snapping back that you are fine, and a human wouldn’t understand. You contacted her because you wanted to confide in her, didn’t you?

CA: i guess

CA: i dont know

GG: do you want to talk about it?

GG: i have a little bit of time

There it is. Permission to pour your heart out to your pale crush. You hold back for a moment, fingers hovering above the keyboard hesitantly, then you hear a laugh from the horn pile and you can’t type fast enough.

Jade doesn’t say much, letting you get everything out. A few times you think she just isn’t paying attention, but whenever you look at your viewport you see her sitting with her chin in her hands and her elbows on her knees, staring into her weird goggle things, completely focused.

It is only when you are done that she begins to type.

GG: okay

GG: so . . .

GG: when i needed it you didnt hold back at all

GG: so i am not going to either

GG: i understand that you are upset about feferi breaking up with you but you are being really selfish about it!

What.

GG: im not sure i really understand the whole moirail thing but it seems like she had a really hard time with it!

GG: i guess what i mean is i get why she wanted to break it off

No, no, no.

GG: do not take that the wrong way!

GG: i mean you two were not really well matched

GG: it sounds to me like she was exhausted by having to take care of you all the time

GG: you were too high maintenance for her

CA: oh like keeping you alivve was a fuckin breeze

GG: what?

You freeze mid-sentence. You were just about to tell her what a “high-maintenance” moirail she was, but that last message seems to have gotten that just about across.

GG: eridan

GG: do you think of me as your moirail??

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 16:38--

You panic.

You have no idea what to do now. Your ending the conversation was like admitting that yes, you are pale as fuck for Jade Harley—and she . . .

She . . .

You click another handle.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at ??:??—

CA: are you pale for jade

CG: OH WHAT THE FUCK.

You feel a gaze on the back of your head that is almost definitely Karkat looking at you like you’ve grown a second set of feet out of it or some shit.

CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN AM I PALE FOR JADE?

CG: AND WHY ARE YOU USING HER NAME LIKE THAT I THOUGHT YOU COULDN’T STAND THE HUMANS

CA: just fuckin answwer me kar are you pale for her

CG: OH MY GOD LOOK ERIDAN YOU’RE MY FRIEND BUT I’M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU THAT WAY.

CA: this isnt about you

CA: wwell

CA: alright it sort of is

CA: just answwer the question

CG: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE IF YOU’RE NOT

CG: WAIT.

CG: WAIT JUST ONE FUCKING SECOND.

CG: LET’S FORGET MY FEELINGS ABOUT HER

CG: WHATEVER SHADE THEY MAY BE AND I’M NOT SAYING THAT THEY’RE PALE OR RED OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT

CG: AT ALL

CG: REALLY

CG: ANYWAY THE POINT IS

CG: YOU’RE PALE FOR JADE, AREN’T YOU?

CA: i asked you first

CG: YOU ARE.

CG: THIS IS FUCKING RICH.

CA: shut the fuck up kar it isnt funny

CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THIS IS HILARIOUS.

CA: its not hilarious for me so stuff it and answwer my fuckin question

CG: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT.

CG: I’M NOT PALE FOR JADE. THERE. ARE YOU HAPPY?

CA: yes

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] at ??:??—

CG: YOU ARE SO FUCKING PALE FOR HER.

Well at least you’ve answered your question of whether Karkat is your rival in palemance—and you’re reasonably satisfied that his feelings for Jade are a tad too red to be pale. You’re not sure how you feel about that part. You wonder if he is a good fit for her. You suppose Jade might find him pitiful, too, but you’re just not sure if the relationship would benefit her and—

God, you have got it pale so bad.

Ping!

\--gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA] at 16:45—

GG: eridan?

GG: are you there?

CA: yeah

GG: oh good

GG: i was worried when you suddenly stopped talking to me!

CA: sorry

You mean it.

GG: so

GG: um

GG: that thing i was asking you before?

You swallow hard, hands clammy and stiff as they peck at the keyboard.

CA: look youre a human so it might be kinda hard for you to understand

CA: but

CA: im pale for you

CA: like crazy pale

CA: i wwanna make sure you take care of yourself and act proper and stay outta trouble and dont flip your shit all the time

GG: you . . . . . . . .

GG: want to take care of me?? :\

CA: sorta

GG: but youve been doing that! you saved my life!

CA: wwell yeah but actin pale and bein moirails is a different thing

GG: oh

GG: well

GG: i guess i kind of understand that?

GG: i dont know . . .. . .

GG: i sort of want to do all of those same things for you

GG: is that pale??

You stare at the screen, willing yourself to type back.

CA: probably as pale as a human can get

GG: then we are moirails?

It’s almost too good to be true.

CA: yeah i guess

CA: <>

GG: ???

CA: its a diamond

CA: it means pale feelins

GG: oohhhhh!

GG: <> <> <> <> <>!!

CA: hey noww calm dowwn there

GG: hehe!

You feel yourself crack a smile, and a weight lifts off your shoulders. Your pale quadrant is filled, and you think you probably have the best moirail a troll could ask for, even if she is a red blooded, land dwelling human.

It’s too bad you won’t have long to enjoy it.

You sit on a fallen log in an unfamiliar place, your white eyes staring down at your hands and a dejected feeling sitting in your blood-pump.

You can’t remember how long you’ve been here. Time passes so strangely here. It seems like it’s been years, but has it really been that long since you died?

You raise a hand to touch your temple, feeling for the sticky purple blood that had once coated it. You can’t feel it anymore, and when you look at your reflection you don’t see the wound where your former comrade bludgeoned you to death.

Snow drifts down around you, and it’s so pale it makes you want to cry.

You had a moirail for two hours and you never told her goodbye.

You don’t know whether to wish she is in the dream bubbles too, or hope she’s still alive and fighting. You tried so hard to keep her alive and safe once, it seems wrong to wish she would join you here.

You still do.

With a sigh you put your hands on your knees and push up from the log, gazing at your surroundings. White snow and red flowers and frogs. You recognize it as Jade’s land, and again, you don’t know how to feel. You suppose it’s better than your own land, and perhaps even Alternia, but it still reminds you of your moirail.

You hope someone survived to tell her what happened. You hope she doesn’t think you abandoned her.

You hope a lot of things.

You glance up from a stick you’ve been kicking around and see a hooded girl wandering through the trees. You quickly duck behind one and try to get a better look.

Her back is turned to you. All you see is black skirt and black hood and white ears.

Then she turns around, and you see dark skin and buck teeth and round glasses and the most beautiful sight you have ever laid eyes on, though your joy is tinged with sadness because her eyes are as white as your own.

“Jade,” you choke out, barely able to force the word, the name, between your teeth as she turns her back to you again.

“Jade,” you call out again, but she still does not acknowledge you.

“Fuckin’ _mess!”_ You cry out, and she spins on her heel and stares at you. You remember that Jade has never seen you, or heard your voice, but judging by how she stumbles through the snowdrifts toward you, calling out your name repeatedly (and pronouncing it wrong, but doing so with the most beautiful voice you’ve ever heard, so you don’t mind)she can tell it is you.

You hold out your shaking arms and she flings herself into them and you’re both laughing and crying and saying each other’s names (you’ll correct her on yours later) and it’s melancholy as _fuck_ because damn it you’re both dead, but if you’re both dead anyway at least you’re dead together, and . . .

You bury your face in her dark hair and she clings to your shirt and you feel really, really whole and hope she does too and even dying doesn’t seems so bad because Jade is finally right here with you and not a girl on a screen and feelings jams are so much better when your moirail is there to share the pile.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> My friend said there wasn't a lot of pale fic here on AO3 so I wrote this. Also, I'm not very good at formatting and so I wasn't sure how to change the text colors. Sorry about that.


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